May 2013
15 posts
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scared rickie weeks dot gif
The sheer terror in Weeks’ eyes as Jean Segura enters his field of vision is almost at the level of an all-time classic gif, Mortified Michigan Punter.
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Mark Reynolds Does A Mark Reynoldsian Thing
He hit the pissfarts out of a baseball.
THREE TRUE OUTCOMES!
Anyway …
This is Mark Reynolds’ solo blast off of Jarrod Parker yesterday.
The pitch: A letter-high, 94-mph two-seamer right down the heart of the dish.
The swing: Eh, it’s on the awkward side, but it’s awfully effective. Chalk that up to his otherworldly HULK STRENGTH (especially in his lower half …...
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Miguel Cabrera Is A ... Whatever, Just Watch This
This is Miguel Cabrera’s solo shot off of Jose Cisnero yesterday.
The pitch: A 1-0, 79-mph, get-me-over curveball that hung for so you’d think it was sitting on a tee adjusted to lower thigh-level.
The swing: So frustratingly pretty, controlled and effective. He’s so freaking serene as the pitch is released. (It’s probably fairly easy to exude that sort of confidence when you...
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Hank Conger Gets Clipped By A Sniper
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Matt Holliday Is A Hulking Mass Of Forearm Meat
This is Matt Holliday’s two-run blast off of Kyle Lohse yesterday.
The pitch: A 2-2, 93-mph Lohsian flat-brimmed sinker that ended up sitting middle-in and knee-high (which is not exactly the spot you want a pitch to end up when you’re facing a guy who looks like a ginormous real-life version of those old M.U.S.C.L.E figurines from the 80s.)
The swing: The thing I’m most...
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And now Barry Zito jamming with Metallica.
giantsnaattt:
Nat the best.
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April 2013
24 posts
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Mark Trumbo Hit The Everloving Piss Out Of A...
This is Mark Trumbo’s solo bomb off of Dan Straily yesterday.
The pitch: A belt-high, middle-in, 91 mph, four-seam fastball.
The swing: Perfect. Nice quiet load, gets the front foot down and just unloads the hips and hands. His right hand goes at that baseball like he’s trying to punch it in the mouth. It’s a beautiful thing, and it’s just ridiculous, ridiculous...
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Chris Davis Makes Baseball Look Easy
This is Chris Davis’ solo shot off of Sean Doolittle yesterday.
The pitch: An 0-2, belt-high, 82 mph slider on the outside black.
The swing: Kinda like this …
It looks like Davis gets fooled here (both in pitch type and location) and as a result, his hips and ass are gone by the time the ball gets into the hitting zone. And since his hips and ass are gone, he has to reeeach to get...
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Jason Vargas: Not Stoked
The 2013 Angels in GIF form.
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Giancarlo Stanton Is A Pus-Crushing Colossus
This is Giancarlo Stanton’s solo shot off of Travis Wood yesterday.
Seriously. Watch the video and note how tiny the ball looks as it exits the Earth’s atmosphere.
The pitch: A belt-high, 89 mph cutter that cut right into Stanton’s wheelhouse.
The swing: Torque-O-Rama. It’s incredible to watch that much man uncoil and unleash so much power. (I realize how disgusting that...
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Chris Carter Is A Quiet Assassin (Of Baseballs)
This is Chris Carter’s solo shot off of Joe Saunders yesterday.
The pitch: A 3-2, letter-high. 89.7 mph two-seamer.
The swing: Beautifully boring. He’s incredibly quiet at the dish, has no stride, loads by getting up on his front toe, and then … BAM! MAN STRENGTH. It’s freakish. The GIF doesn’t nearly do it justice. Watch this. And listen to the sound of that baseball...
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Mark Trumbo Is A Viking With A Broadsword
This is Mark Trumbo’s walkoff bomb off of Phil Coke yesterday.
The pitch: An 84 mph, cockshot of a 3-1 changeup (the fourth of the AB) from a guy who looks like this.
The swing: Gorgeous. He stays back perfectly on Coke’s cambio and clobbers it. Excellent load, balance and torque. And that extension … whoa, that extension. Just beautiful.
The velocity off the bat: 106.8 mph
The...
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Evan Gattis Is An Ogre With A Battle Axe
This is Evan Gattis’ two-run bomb off of Stephen Strasburg yesterday.
The pitch: An 0-1, eye-high, 97 mph fastball from most peoples’ pick to win the NL Cy Young.
The swing: Explosive. I can’t help but think of Captain Caveman*.
*A far better nickname for Gattis than “El Oso Blanco” or whatever the hell they’re calling him in Atlanta.
The velocity off...
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I'M BO JACKSON
I’M BO JACKSON. I’M AN ALL-STAR, TWO SPORT ATHLETE. I AM A BUSINESS OWNER AND I’M A SPOKESPERSON. I’M A HUSBAND, AND I’M A FATHER. I AM AN ASTRONAUT AND A SOUS CHEF. I’M A PUPPETEER AND A TASTEMAKER. I AM AN AMATEUR MAGICIAN AND A PONYTAIL FANTIC. I’M A REGIONAL WHISTLING CHAMPION AND A PEACOCK SAVANT. I AM COMMUNITY-DRIVEN AND I’M A...
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PITCHBOT 3000
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BONUS CONTENT: More Chris Davis Because WHOA
This is Chris Davis’ three-run bomb off of Jeremy Hellickson on April 3rd.
The pitch: A 3-2, 91 mph fastball ~2-3” off the plate.
The swing: Not as buttery smooth as usual. He loses his front side early, but keeps his hands back, and then …
The velocity off the bat: 108.4 mph
The elevation angle: 23.4º
The distance (horizontally): 422 feet. Oppo. With a sold out front...
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Chris Davis Is Fine-Tuned Pile Of Deltoids
This is Chris Davis’ three-run rainmaker off of Jake McGee on April 2nd.
The pitch: A first pitch, letter-high, 91 mph fastball. AKA: A mistake.
The swing: Like this, but left-handed.
The velocity off the bat: 102.1 mph
The elevation angle: 30.5º
The distance (horizontally): 396 feet
The distance (vertically): This ball broke through the roof of The Trop, bounced off the moon,...
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Michael Morse Is A Hammer-Wielding Adonis
This is Mike Morse’s solo shot off of A.J. Griffin last night.
The pitch: A 1-1 fastball that was six inches off the inside black and bearing in on his meathooks.
The swing: Like Thor swinging his hammer. Brute strength.
The velocity off the bat: 107.9 mph
The elevation angle: 23.6º
The distance: 383 feet
The verdict: That’ s four bombs in four games for The Sea Beast, and as a...
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Put A Glove On That Forehead
If you were watching the Reds vs. Angels game this afternoon, you might have noticed that Chris Heisey hit a two-run homerun off of Joe Blanton.
What you might not have noticed, was that Heisey’s homerun ball ended up dotting an unsuspecting bespectacled gentleman right in between the eyes.
This is innocence, bewilderment and pain, encapsulated in a two-second GIF that will repeat for...
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March 2013
19 posts
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HERMITOLOGY: My 2013 MLB Predictions →
Click this to see Riley’s 2013 MLB Predictions.
Click this (and scroll down) to see Ian’s 2013 MLB Predictions.
hermitologist:
We’re one day away from the start of the 2013 MLB season, so that means it’s probably time for me (just like almost everyone else who writes about baseball) to foolishly try to predict the future and post it on the Internet so those of you who are better...
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P.O. Hat Chat
Loyal Productive Outs readers: would you be willing to pay $35ish for a 2-color embroidered New Era 9Fifty snapback P.O. hat?
If that’s too much, at what price point would you be willing to buy?
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WE HAVE NEW SHIRTS!!! →
Hi Friends,
We have new tees up in our merch store, just in time for a brand new season of BASEDBALLS.
Here are the deets:
They are printed on 100% combed and ring-spun cotton jersey knit tees
They are slightly fitted. (Think American Apparel, but a bit less heavy.)
They have a taped neck and shoulders, and are double-needle stitched
The screen is vintage single-pass.
They are awesome.
...
