December 19th, 2012
teenarcher

As promised: Craig Goldstein’s “Baseball Teams and the Art They Embody”

Some of these may have been made up.
  • Baltimore Orioles - Regressionism (heavily influenced by artists of the anti-run differentialism era)
  • Boston Red Sox - Post-Modern Reconstructivism (heavily influenced by the later works of VICTORION)
  • New York Yankees - Old Masters
  • Tampa Bay Rays - Socialist Realism (benefit from revenue sharing, but a very real threat on the field)
  • Toronto Blue Jays - Kitchen Sink Art 
  • Atlanta Braves - Neoclassical Art (implies a return to classical (re)sources, a la the tv money they’re earning relative to everyone else)
  • Miami Marlins - Minimalism. (Enough said)
  • New York Mets - Baroque (they don’t gots no moneys, fool)
  • Philadelphia Phillies - Premature-Extensionism (it was a period in art heavily influenced by regret)
  • Washington Nationals - Carolingian Art (revival (of art) after a dark period)
  • Chicago White Sox - Brutalism (in which no attempt is made to disguise the building materials used)
  • Cleveland Indians - Plein Air Art (they’ve got that going for them, which is nice)
  • Detroit Tigers - Fuckitism (Influenced by patron saint Joel Goodsen)
  • Kansas City Royals - The Process Movement (Cult Movement. Concerning)
  • Minnesota Twins - Whiteism (Like those paintings where it’s a polar bear with a white nose and closed eyes in a snowstorm. Their only projected non-white regular is Pedro Florimon, Jr depending on what you think of Darin Mastroianni)
  • Chicago Cubs - Futurism (definition: Futurism exalted the dynamism of the modern world, especially its science and technology. Makes sense. Also considered: Theoism) 
  • Cincinnati Reds - Sandlerism (Red Hooded Sweatshirt)
  • Milwaukee Brewers - German Renaissance Art (a renaissance of beer and brats)
  • Pittsburgh Pirates - Post-season dadaism (a revolt against the post-season culture that preoccupies the rest of mlb)
  • St. Louis Cardinals - Spirit(animal)-ualism (heavily influenced by Leitch)
  • Houston Astros - Divisionism 
  • Los Angeles Angels - Regionalism (works on many levels - 
  • Oakland Athletics - Mannerism w/hint of minimalism. (Mannerism is known for it’s anti-classical style)
  • Seattle Mariners - Existentialism (alienation and angst in the face of the human condition)
  • Texas Rangers - Nolanism (influences include headlocks, wrasslin’ and meat)
  • Arizona Diamondbacks - Avant-Garde Alienationism (the art of finding your reason for success and disparaging it constantly)
  • Colorado Rockies - Assemblage Art (see also, Junk Art)
  • Los Angeles Dodgers - Post-Modern Consumerism (strong Steinbrenner influences). Also dabble in Surrealism.
  • San Diego Padres - Yachtism
  • San Francisco Giants - Humanism (A cultural and philosophical movement of the Italian Renaissance, focusing on the capabilities of human beings as opposed to the abstract concepts and problems of science or theology)
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