Are you there, God? It’s me, Eugenio.
I know it’s been a while, but I’ve been a good boy this year and I was hoping to ask you for a few things.
- A uniform that fits
- For the other kids at the playground to stop calling me “Zorak” and “Fast Black Abe Lincoln”
- An Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle!
- To be able to grow hair on parts of my face other than my chin
- To stop being terrible at baseball
Baron Pickoff von Ironglove