November 10th, 2012
hermitologist

That’s Not Even A Base, You Goon

Jose Canseco is still trying to shove his ‘roid-infused business back into baseball’s open holes. Namely, the open holes on the Colorado Rockies’ coaching staff, where Canseco’s former Oakland A’s teammate Walt Weiss was named manager last week.

Canseco: /clutching iPhone and fiddling with Camera settings, trying to figure out why the pictures he took of himself in his new Affliction tee are showing up as pictures of himself wearing an noiƚɔilʇʇA tee.

Canseco: /texts former A’s utility infielder Mike Gallego

Canseco: hey Miek whatsup

Gallego: Oh, hey Hosey.

Canseco: yaygo hey bro. listen you talked to weisser about a gig yet/

Gallego: Nah, man. I’m all good. Happy to be in Oakland. We’ve got a solid squad. Had one hell of a year. Ready to do it again next year. Got some young horses.

Canseco: listen bro. you think Weisser might wantana hire me in as a frost base coach next year?

Gallego: Frost base coach? I don’t even … what in God’s name is that?

Canseco: bro I wamt to coach frost base for the Rokies

Gallego: Is that like an undershirt from The North Face or something? I’m not following you here.

Canseco: I COMPLETE YOU

August 12th, 2011
hermitologist

oldtimefamilybaseball:

Tony Phillips, a 52-year-old former Major Leaguer, is currently playing baseball for the Yuma Scorpions. Mike Marshall, a 51-year-old former Major Leaguer is currently managing the Chico Outlaws. Naturally, the two got into a fight and Jose Canseco had to pull his team off the field for fear of another fight breaking out. 

It’s like watching a Curb Your Enthusiasm storyline breakout in a news report. 

This is why we can’t have nice things.