Your favorite player probably got traded this week.
(0:00-4:30) The open.
(5:15-7:45) The musical guest: Ryley Walker. Buy “Primrose Green” here.
(7:45-17:30) Emails from people named Chris.
(18:15-40:45) Baseball things:
- Literally everyone was traded today. No one’s uniforms fit, and spelling errors abound. What are we going to do with all these leftover bobbleheads??
- Cueto & Zobrist to the Royals, Kazmir to the Astros, Tulo to the Blooj A’s, Latos & Morse to the Dodgers, Papelboner to the Nats, Hamels to Rangers, Gomez to Mets (OR NOT), LAD/ATL/MIA three-way
(41:17-46:40) Musical advice: If you choose to sit down at a show, have you given up on life?
(46:40-53:40) This week’s Old School Player of the Week is:
I discovered this gem last week and couldn’t resist the urge to flood our Twitter feed with pics and things Mike Proly did. Some of my favorites …
- Mike Proly wishes he didn’t have to wear that dumb [White Sox] uniform, amirite?
- Mike Proly went a little overboard at the bar last night.
- From Drew Fairservice: “Mike Proly drives a Trans Am. Mike Proly is the physical embodiment of despair on on a baseball card.”
- Mike Proly locked himself out of his apartment and thinks he proly left the stove on.
- Mike Proly thought his girlfriend Crystal was being honest when she said she was quitting stripping so she could go back to school.
- Mike Proly thought he’d have more time to work on the 1983 Pontiac Firebird that’s been on blocks in his front yard for 17 years.
- Mike Proly wishes he were “anywhere but here” ALL OF THE TIME.
Mike Proly could very easily pass for one of Will Forte’s SNL characters, and he is truly one of the saddest, mouselike humans to ever grace a baseball card. He’s got a 60 DADHAT, a plus plustache, 70 70s hair and 80 chest hair. Proly pitched in the bigs for seven seasons (from 1976 to 1983) with the Cards, White Sox, Phillies and Cubes, primarily as a reliever. He walked 195 batters and struck out 185 in 545 ⅔ innings, and had a career WHIP of 1.330. Proly is quoted extensively in a 1985 article from the Chicago Tribune on spitballs, Vaseline balls and ball-scuffing. Apparently he did all of those things to no avail. He now sells insurance.