DERP magnate Jeff Karstens fell just short of his fifth quality start of the year, giving up four runs on six hits through five innings of work against that disaster of a team from Houston with Jose Altuve and 24 other guys you’ve never heard of on it. The “River Wizard” got his DERPy little tits lit a bit, giving up bombs to Nondescript White Baseball Player XXIII and some guy who has apparently been Francisco for thirty years. The Pirates managed to battle back and take the lead for good in the top of the ninth when Druice Hutton scored on a wild pitch. Joel Hanrahan came in and shut the door for his 31st save, giving the Pirates their eighth win in their last ten games.

The Astros also honored television star Kelsey Grammer former pitcher Mike Scott by having him shot put a solid gold baseball in sandals and cargo shorts while the crowd of 24,685 wondered what he was keeping in all those pockets.

Jeff Karstens might not have been on top of his game, but his face was.

This is the eighteenth installment in our ongoing tribute to him. And his face.