November 12th, 2015
PRODcast 123: Our Year-End Episode
Productive Outs
The PRODcast

This is it! The last show of 2015. Thanks for hanging out with us this season. Y'all made it fun. And weird.

(0:00-3:21) The Open

(3:21-7:30) The Musical Guest: LOMA PRIETA. Buy “Self-Portrait” here.

(8:03-25:27) Emails from the Internet’s True Heroes

(26:07-1:03:44) The Human Guest: Andy McCullough of the Kansas City Star talks Gordo, Locain, Yost, and indie rock (?)

(1:04:17-1:19:49) Some baseball things that happened today. WHO CARES?

(1:20:30-1:27:25) The final Old School Player of the Week of 2015 is…


Ken Reitz, who was nicknamed “Zamboni” because he scooped up grounders on Busch Stadium’s artificial turf, spent 11 years in the bigs (he gets a MLB pension!) as a third baseman with the Cards (twice), Cubes, Giants and Pirates. In those 11 years, while playing a position dominated by quality offensive player, he hit .260, with an abysmal .290 OBP, and .359 slugging. (That’s a .649 OPS if you’re keeping score at home and aren’t good at maths.) Reitz won a gold glove in 1975, and was an All-Star in 1980 despite posting a -0.7 bWAR that year. WAR was not a friend of Ken’s, as he finished his career with whopping -3.2 wins above replacement.

A #FUNFACT from Wikipedia: Reitz was not known for his base running speed. This is reflected in one dubious Major League record. Reitz holds the record for most career plate appearances (5079) among non-catchers who finished their careers with fewer walks than times he grounded into a double play.

That explains that anemic OBP, I suppose.

Reitz belongs in the DADHAT Hall of Fame, despite evading everyone’s DADHAT radar up to this point. His mustache is pure 70s porn, and his hairdo is best described as a man sitting in a barber’s chair holding a picture of a mushroom and telling his barber, “Make me look like that.”

August 12th, 2015

PRODcast 116′s Old School Player of the Week: Al Cowens

Scouting Grades: 70 DADHAT, 70 AFRO, 60 DADLAP, 70 DADGLASSES

Born in Compton, Al Cowens could pass for Humpty Hump from Digital Underground in a baseball uniform. He looks confused as hell in most photos which is probably due in large part to this …

Cowens was drafted in the 75th round of the 1969 MLB draft, but managed to play 13 seasons in the bigs with the Royals, Angels, Tigers and Mariners as a right fielder. He peaked with the Royals in 1977 at age 25, posting an .885 OPS, w/ 23 HR & 112 RBI, a bWAR of 5.3, a second place finish in the AL MVP voting and a Gold Glove. He never sniffed that kind of production again and died of a heart attack at age 50. Baseball is weird … and so is life … and so was Al.

via Wikipedia:

A notable feud started between Cowens and Texas Rangers reliever Ed Farmer early in the 1979 season. In the May 8 game at Arlington Stadium, a Farmer pitch thrown in the top of the 5th inning fractured Cowens’ jaw and broke several teeth;[1] Cowens would miss 21 games. Farmer also hit Cowens’ teammate Frank White in the same game and broke his wrist[2] and caused him to miss 33 contests. The following year, in a game between the Detroit Tigers and the Chicago White Sox at Comiskey Park on June 20‚ 1980‚ Cowens (now a Detroit Tiger) hit an infield grounder against Farmer (pitching for the White Sox). While Farmer watched his infielder make the play, Cowens ran to mound and tackled the pitcher from behind, instead of running to first base; getting in several punches before the benches cleared and the two were separated.[2] Cowens was suspended for 7 games and a warrant was issued for his arrest in Illinois‚ forcing him to skip the remainder of the series. Later Farmer agreed to drop the charges in exchange for a handshake‚ and the 2 players brought out the lineup cards before the game on September 1. However, future appearances for Cowens in Chicago were greeted with a “Coward Cowens” banner.

September 17th, 2014
PRODcast 94: Strikes Are Horrible And We Should Not Have Them
Productive Outs
The PRODcast

We’re 94 episodes into this thing, and we thought we should finally make an effort. Tune in and see if you can tell! 

 - Open (0:00-8:40)

- Emails (9:18-36:02)

- Musical guest: PHORIA. Buy “Bloodworks” here. (36:42-40:00)

- Human guest: Andy McCullough, Royals beat writer for the Kansas City Star.  (40:00-

- The baseball things!

  • Ron Washington might’ve stepped down because of sexual assault charges. So why is nobody talking about it?
  • Chris Davis gets popped for Adderall. Whoops!

  • Why are the Yankees even thinking about bringing Tanaka back?

  • The playoff races are a little boring. OK, a LOT boring. 

  • Who you got in the Whirled Serious?


- Puig Destroyer news! Check out our sweet shirts!

December 30th, 2012

Did you know …


… that Hipolito Pichardo means “Hard-throwing little hippo” in Spanish?

(It doesn’t, but let’s pretend that it does.)

Antonio Balbina, who struggled with childhood obesity in the late 70s, earned the name Hipolito when the neighborhood kids in Esperanza noticed that the 217-pound pre-teen resembled a hippo when he threw a baseball. They also noticed that he looked like a hippo most of the time, but made an agreement to try to keep from pointing that out very often because feelings.

He went as Hipolito Balbina until the late 80s, when he caught the eye of then-Kansas City Royals scout Soupy Plemons. Hipolito was popping the glove with a mid-90s four-seam fastball that prompted the following exchange after a 40-pitch bullpen:

Soupy: Hellola … uh, err … hola.

Hipolito: Hola.

Soupy: You, uh … pitch very … hardo … pitch hardo.

Hipolito: Que?

Later that night, after a case of Presidente and anywhere from five to 25 fingers of well tequila, Soupy decided to fill out his scouting report on the young right-hander. He sat down at the old desk in the hotel room, scribbled down Hipolito in the box marked FIRST NAME, vomit-burped in his mouth and stared at the empty LAST NAME box. Soupy tapped his pen on the desktop. He stared at the ceiling. He cracked his knuckles and rapped his fingers on the armrests of his chair.

Nothing came to mind.

Soupy paced his motel room. He stubbed his toe on the bedside table which caused him to curse repeatedly and consider packing up and leaving the Dominican and quitting scouting altogether. He stared at the empty LAST NAME box again. 

Again, nothing came to mind. Except that fastball. That goddamned fastball.

Soupy wrote down Pichardo in the empty box, filled out his scouting report, and the rest … as they say, is history*.


*50-44, 4.44 ERA, 1.462 WHIP, and an average of 0.5 bWAR per season in 10 MLB seasons with the Royals, Red Sox and Astros.

June 5th, 2012

With the fifth pick in the 2012 MLB Draft, the Kansas City Royals selected RHP Kyle Zimmer of the University of San Francisco. Scouts really liked Zimmer’s above-average fastball and outstanding 11-to-5 curveball, but what really sold them on the big righthander was his plus-plus DERP. As his face settles into its own, in his late 20s and early 30s, Zimmer should possess once-in-a-generation derpability.

Comps: Jeff Karstens, Fire Marshall Bill, Your Uncle Taking A Dump

**Click the pic for a KYELL ZIMMUR SLOYDSHOAH**

(h/t @Bunch)

Two musicians who love baseball, but don't take it too seriously.


  • hermitologist HERMITOLOGY
  • teenarcher TEEN ARCHER