hermitologist HERMITOLOGY
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Posts tagged "St. Louis Cardinals"

A moth flew into, and got stuck in, Matt Holliday’s ear last night during a game against the Dodgers.

We had a chance to speak with that moth.

PO: So where are you right now?

Moth: I’m still in here…in Matt’s head. It’s dark, and there sure as hell’s been a lot of commotion overnight, but I’ll tell ya what, I love it here. The wife and I came out on vacation and just fell in with the place. Lookin’ forward to callin’ it home.

PO: So this is a permanent thing? Is not so much that you’re “stuck”, it’s that you’re putting your roots down?

Moth: Yeah. I mean, this place is huge. Lotsa room in here. The previous tenant even left a bunch of HD TVs mounted on the walls that loop the clip of Matt trying to catch a line drive with his penis against the Dodgers in the ‘09 playoffs. And the wife and I are expecting, so it just kinda made sense to upgrade to a bigger place.

PO: Where were you before?

Moth: Kevin Mench’s head. It was nice and all, but it’s getting kinda old, and we weren’t willing to pay to renovate. ‘Specially with 50 to 100 kids on the way.

PO: Did you guys consider moving to the Bay Area? I hear Bruce Bochy’s head is wonderful at this time of year.

Moth: We checked it out, but the front lawn is all overgrown with ear hair and it makes it damn near impossible to get in and outta the place.

PO: So what’s next for you?

Moth: We’ll build a family here, and I’ll keep workin’ hard every day, eating sweaters and slamming my face into light bulbs. Once the kids are grown up, it’d be nice to get a huge vacant lot and build a little retirement cottage there.

PO: And where might that be? 

Moth: Johnny Damon’s head. It’s enormous and virtually undeveloped. Like a lot of West Texas. 

“That sounded a little too wet, Willie. You’d better check for streaks.”

“That sounded a little too wet, Willie. You’d better check for streaks.”