PRODcast 124′s Old School Player of the Week: TITO FUENTES

Fuentes spent 13 seasons in the bigs as a 2B, SS, 3B with the Giants, Padres, Tigers and A’s, and posted a career OPS+ of 82 (that’s not good) and a batting average of .268 (that’s also not all that good and who cares about batting average anyway what is this 1983 go iron your corduroys you dweeb). And while his sub-replacement level play would be a fine reason to pick him as the OSPOTW, it’s not the real reason we picked him. We picked him because he is both a card carrying member of the “Windbreaker Underneath The Uniform” club (aka the WUTU club), and he is the founder of the “Why The Fuck Are You Wearing A Headband?” Club (aka this acronym is too long and sounds like the surname of a Nigerian soccer player). Sometimes he wears the headband under his #DADHAT, sometimes it’s over his #DADHAT and obscures the team’s logo, sometimes it’s a complimentary solid color, and sometimes it’s Gym Class Issue White# and he scribbles “TITO” on it with a Sharpie. All of the times it is bad.

Nonetheless, we celebrate Tito and his perplexing headwear and would encourage you to do the same.

PRODcast 123′s Old School Player of the Week: KEN REITZ

Ken Reitz, who was nicknamed “Zamboni” because he scooped up grounders on Busch Stadium’s artificial turf, spent 11 years in the bigs (he gets a MLB pension!) as a third baseman with the Cards (twice), Cubes, Giants and Pirates. In those 11 years, while playing a position dominated by quality offensive players, he hit .260, with an abysmal .290 OBP, and .359 slugging. (That’s a .649 OPS if you’re keeping score at home and aren’t good at maths.) Reitz won a gold glove in 1975, and was an All-Star in 1980 despite posting a -0.7 bWAR that year. WAR was not a friend of Ken’s, as he finished his career with whopping -3.2 wins above replacement.

A #FUNFACT from Wikipedia: Reitz was not known for his base running speed. This is reflected in one dubious Major League record. Reitz holds the record for most career plate appearances (5079) among non-catchers who finished their careers with fewer walks than times he grounded into a double play.

That explains that anemic OBP, I suppose.

Reitz belongs in the DADHAT Hall of Fame, despite evading everyone’s DADHAT radar up to this point. His mustache is pure 70s porn, and his hairdo is best described as a man sitting in a barber’s chair holding a picture of a mushroom and telling his barber, “Make me look like that.”

PRODcast 122′s Old School Player of the Week: Lynn Jones

I had to go with a Royals player this week, and while Buddy Biancalana, Steve Balboni or Pete LaCock would have been a better (and more obvious) choice, I decided to go with the lesser-known Lynn Jones. Jones spent eight years in the bigs between 1979 and 1986, and won a ring with the Royals in ‘85 as a 32-year-old extremely shitty outfielder. (He had a 44 OPS+ that season.) In those eight years and almost 1000 ABs, Jones hit seven bombs, drove in 91 runs, slugged .321, and posted a -2.2 bWAR. Looking at his pics, you’d have to think that they kept him around solely because of his 80-grade DADGLASSES. (He might be crosseyed, which would explain a lot.)

After his playing career ended, Jones went on to coach in both the minors and majors, most recently in 2004 & 2005 with the Red Sox (dude’s got two rings!), and is now a coach at his alma mater, Thiel College (which may or may not be a real school).

He also looks like Chris Freeman from Manchester Orchestra, and Thorny from Super Troopers … and like he’s a part of a Witness Protection Program.

PRODcast 121′s Old School Player of the Week: Rick Sweet

Rick Sweet, who was taken in the 3rd round of the 1975 MLB draft,  spent three years in the bigs as a catcher for the Padres, Mets and Mariners. In 272 career games, he hit .234 with 6 HR and 57 RBI, a .584 OPS and a 63 OPS, which was good for a -0.1 bWAR. He’s been a minor league manager for many years, most recently as the skipper for the Nashville Sounds in 2014 and the Colorado Sky Sox in 2015 (Milwaukee Brewers affiliates).

The only sweet thing about Rick is that 80-grade pushbroom mustache, a 60-grade coif, and (depending on the photo you’re looking at) 60-70 DADHAT which is most often a SADHAT.

Via a suggestion by Erick B - @ebenSF on Twitter, I went with Rafael Ramirez. He has a 60 FRO, 60 CREEPSTACHE, 60-65 DADHAT, a 70 DADLAP, and looks either completely terrified or totally confused in most photos I’ve found of him.

Ramirez spent 13 years in the bigs with the BARVES and Astros primarily as a SS, finished with negative WAR in six of those 13 seasons, and somehow finished 16th in the NL MVP vote after posting a 7 HR, 58 RBI season with a .705 OPS and 2.1 WAR. And he was an All-Star in 1984 even though he finished that season with 2 HR, 48 RBI and a .621 OPS. His Wikipedia page notes that he lead the league in double plays for four straight years (which is great because that’s not a stat that matters at all). He was basically a worse Neifi Perez with better hair and a much more interesting face.