This is Evan Gattis’ two-run bomb off of Stephen Strasburg yesterday.

 The pitch: An 0-1, eye-high, 97 mph fastball from most peoples’ pick to win the NL Cy Young.

The swing: Explosive. I can’t help but think of Captain Caveman*.

*A far better nickname for Gattis than “El Oso Blanco” or whatever the hell they’re calling him in Atlanta.

 The velocity off the bat: 106.1 mph

The elevation angle: 29.1º

The distance: 426 feet

The verdict: Lumberjack beard? Check. No batting gloves? Check. Freakish levels of DadStrength™? Check. Lightning quick hands? Check. Fascinating back story? Check. Plays a position that you have to be an absolute lunatic to play (and genuinely seems to enjoy it)? Check. 

We’re in love.

This is Chris Davis' three-run bomb off of Jeremy Hellickson on April 3rd.

The pitch: A 3-2, 91 mph fastball ~2-3” off the plate.

The swing: Not as buttery smooth as usual. He loses his front side early, but keeps his hands back, and then … 

 The velocity off the bat: 108.4 mph

The elevation angle: 23.4º

The distance (horizontally): 422 feet. Oppo. With a sold out front side. 

The verdict: Chris Davis has superhuman strength and traps like an ox and the dreamiest eyes and he launches balls a long way to the opposite field even when he guesses wrong and it makes the front of our pants feel funny.

This is Chris Davis' three-run rainmaker off of Jake McGee on April 2nd.

The pitch: A first pitch, letter-high, 91 mph fastball. AKA: A mistake.

The swing: Like this, but left-handed.

 The velocity off the bat: 102.1 mph

The elevation angle: 30.5º

The distance (horizontally): 396 feet

The distance (vertically): This ball broke through the roof of The Trop, bounced off the moon, burst into flames on its fall back to Earth, broke a second hole in the Trop’s roof, and landed in the right field bleachers as a smoldering pile of horsehide, wool and yarn.

The verdict: That is torque, my friends. And phenomenal brute strength. But also torque. Goddamn does he make it look effortless.

This is Mike Morse’s solo shot off of A.J. Griffin last night.

The pitch: A 1-1 fastball that was six inches off the inside black and bearing in on his meathooks.

The swing: Like Thor swinging his hammer. Brute strength.

 The velocity off the bat: 107.9 mph

The elevation angle: 23.6º

The distance: 383 feet

The verdict: That’ s four bombs in four games for The Sea Beast, and as a result, the collective man crush that Productive Outs has on him has reached freakish levels. 

This is Adam Jones' three-run home run off of Phil Hughes last night.

The Pitch: An 0-0 flat, letter-high, four-seam fastball that couldn’t have been any more hittable unless it were on a tee.

The Swing: Compact, controlled and violent. Like an angry wild boar trapped in a phone booth. And jeez, watch his hands. Look at those hands! And those hips?! Swoon.

The Velocity Off The Bat: 110.1 mph

The Elevation Angle: 23.3º

The Distance: 442 feet

The Verdict: Home runs are the best. Home runs that come against the Yankees are better. Home runs that come against the Yankees in a Yankees loss are the bestest. In the immortal words of Meatloaf,  ”Two out of three ain’t bad.”